“The restlessness and the longing, like the longing that is in the whistle of a faraway train. Except that the longing isn't really in the whistle—it is in you.” ―Meindert DeJong
If you were a train, I’d be your tracks...
FLASHBACK
I boarded out the train, and stayed walking in the platform until I bumped into someone. I squinted my eyes, I guess my head had a terrible hit with this stranger. As I tried collecting my things scattered on the floor, I noticed that this person was too familiar―way too familiar.
I knew right then and there, it was him.
We both said "Hi" at the same time. Great.
He smiled. Those eyes, I don't know what's with him. I was stuck in place, I forgot I was headed home. I started to walk right past him without saying anything, but this tiny voice inside my head keeps telling me to stay and talk to him for a while.
No. There's nothing to talk about. Is there?
I was on a constant battle with my mind until suddenly, my feet stopped.
I looked back at him, he's going away.
He's gonna be far now, "Come 'on Gene, call him.", I told myself.
So okay, I called his name.
And then he stopped walking.
Right, so he stopped. He turned around and looked at me. My heart started to beat faster and I'm talking to myself like "What now? What are you gonna say?"
"Hey, Uhmm. I was about to go home. Let's wait together for a ride, if that's okay with you?" I said. Where did that all came from? No turning back, here I am. Here he is.
I am smiling after I spoke and heard him say,
"Sure. Let me go to the restroom first. I'm stopping myself to pee for a while now."
I laughed.
Yes, not that loud but I don't know, I think it came out naturally. Then we walked together downstairs, and I waited for him outside the men's loo.
He came out with this huge smile. I was nervous and a little bit out of my mind I didn't hear him talking to me.
"What time do you go out? and where are you working again?" He asked. He was taller and his legs are longer, he was walking ahead of me.
"I go out at six, sometimes seven. Whatever time I want. I'm still working in Makati." I answered, now we're walking side by side. I catched up. I noticed that we're going inside the mall, and it is far from the FX terminal, we could have took the shortcut instead, but then I asked, "Why did we take this way? It's farther and the mall exit would be closed soon."
No answer.
Just the brisque sound of his footsteps.
He's walking fast, he always does. Nothing much has changed, I guess. I was getting awkward and wanted to turn around and walked away, when he said, "I always wanted a long walk. Walking relieves me from stress."
Ohh. Is that so? "Really? I bet you're so stressed." I joked.
He smiled.
Why does he keep on smiling?
We're almost near the exit, when suddenly I felt his shoulders brushed mine. I also felt that he almost put his arms on my left shoulder on our way out.
As if assisting me, and leading the way.
He's always like that. A gentleman.
I saw the queue to the terminal, and was about to say "Thanks" and "Bye" to him, when he said, "Let's ride the jeep instead, it'll take us hours when we wait for the FX to come."
Whoah.
The nerve. I will not ride on a jeep. Period.
"I'm not riding a jeep for a long time, and I don't want to try now. It's scary." I said.
Now he's suggesting to take a jeep? What's wrong with him? Always the "street-smart" type. But I know deep inside that maybe, just maybe, he really wants to talk to me. It's been a million and a half hours ago. It's been a long time, since I've seen him and had a chance to talk to him, until now.
"Nothing bad could happen, you just have to always pray. And besides, I am with you." He said.
I am with you.
Four words he uttered.
I was stunned hearing those from him. I looked at his back as he was now waiting for a jeep to pass by. What is happening to me? My eyes are starting to get misty. My heart feels like exploding, I bit my lip controlling this. My emotions are doing a topsy-turvy, I hesitantly walked forward. The jeepney came, and it didn't seem to help 'cause we're sitting next to each other.
I focused myself looking at the other side, so he wouldn't see my face. Thoughts are running in my head, memories coming back, and the courage to let it all out and finally talk to him is on the verge of bursting now. I can't help it, I was on the edge.
"Say something. Tell something, what's keeping you? and why are you going home alone?" He asked. He sounded a little bit concern or that's what I thought.
"How's everyone? I haven't heard anything from them. Are you still in touch with your friends?" He continued when silence came. "Great. How could he know, he's the one not into Facebook or Twitter, and he's the one who got away or the one who choose to go away." I said to myself.
"They're fine. We're hanging out sometimes, sometimes we all meet up for a coffee or tea chat, and go home together. Me? I was planning to resign, eventually in God's perfect time, He would give me the best job I deserve. I am now a Youth and Song Leader at church, I am forever grateful to God for all of these. You? What about you? What's new?" I asked.
"I'm happy for all the things you've said." He smiled at me.
I looked at him, and trying to figure out the look in his eyes.
Lord, this is it. It's been this long, I don't want to let this chance pass by. I am stronger, I want to say the things that have been kept inside of me for years. I can do this.
"I'm happy too." I said, as I tried to blink away the wetness in my eyes.
"You know, I'm glad that I've seen you again, and here we are talking like we just saw each other yesterday. I am happy with what's been going on with my life, God blesses me so much, more than I had ever asked for. Every time we had our retreat at church, there's only one thing that I've always been surrendering to God―you. Yes, you. From that time, from the moment I was hurt, I find it hard to forgive you. Every time I cry, every time I remember, it was always so hard to forgive you. But 'til that one day, I gave everything to the Lord, all the hurt, pain, anger, hatred, and all the feelings in between―I surrendered it to God, and with that I am free. I am new. I am who I am now."
I looked at him, and he was teary-eyed. Maybe a little bit shocked.
So I continued, "But I forgave you. I had forgiven you a long time ago, and I'm happy that I did." I was now crying with tears of joy. At last, I said these to him. I didn't mind if my voice was audible enough for the others to hear me, or my eyes were wet with tears, all I know is that I helped myself spill it all out.
"Sorry. Sorry for what had happened. God had taught me so many things since then, but more than anything else, I am proud of the woman you are now." He said while looking deep in my eyes.
"And I'm also proud of the man you've become." I smiled to him, showing him how happy I felt. With that, I bid goodbye and thanked him for a wonderful time as I went out of the jeepney.
A night to remember, and a night to thank God for fixing what has been broken for so long―our friendship.
END OF FLASHBACK
It was a year now since that night.
A figment of my memory that will be marked forever in the deep recesses of my heart.
I learned, and I am continuously learning.
Love. This is the greatest feeling to be felt.
Someday, my God-given Prince will arrive.
He will come, and ask for my hand.
He will pray for me.
He will wait for me.
Him, a man after God's own heart.
I might not know him right now, or wherever he might be but no matter how many stars I see at night, I could always be certain of one thing—we're just under the same sky. He may be far, but not too faraway.
I will wait for you, my Future love.♡
