My Intimate Solace

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.” ―C.S. Lewis

I find myself standing at the end of the road.
I see nothing and no one from a far,
Am I lost?
Am I the only one here?
Why does I feel like I am alone?

I continued walking to the other side.
A thousand thoughts are running in my head, and I keep repeating the last memories that I had before ending up here. I see the fields of trees nearby, the luscious green of leaves, and the variant colors of flowers blooming. Those are the most beautiful that I have ever seen so far, the most fragrant of smells indeed.

Maybe this isn't so bad after all, roaming in this isolated place surrounded by wonderful scenes, making me realize that there's so much more I have been missing.

From the farthest corner of the road upon turning, I saw a sign "This way to your home."
I am in doubt if ever I will follow that direction, but I would have need to trust my gut feel at the moment.
There is nobody else here, is there?
From whom will I ask?
Okay, maybe this time I would really have to trust myself in this.

Hope upon hopes, I turned left and took the road going to that 'way home'―whatever kind of home that it has been showing.

As I continue wandering, I looked at the skies and saw the flocks of birds flying.
There were so many of them―seagulls, doves, pigeons. I felt elated watching them soar, made me wonder if ever I would be like them just for a while.

For a moment, I am jealous of those birds. They could go to places they want, at anytime they please. Their spread wings in the horizon are just too interesting to ignore. But after a while, I am glad that I am not a bird. I feel like it would be so tiring going to many places everyday, and flying amidst the air all throughout the rest of  your life. I couldn't be more contented enough that thankfully I am not one of them.

I am so tired of walking, I am starting to get thirsty. I feel like my throat has been roughly dry, but still I know there is a river or stream or any body of water out there. I must keep going.

In times like these, I wonder if I am in an alternate universe perhaps? or the ones that I have been reading are really true? Okay, that is absurd.
It sounds crazy, but I miss the place where I came from.

The sound of running water is nearby, and I run to that direction. Upon reaching the stony path on the right way, I saw a waterfall. This is the first time that I have ever seen one. It is so beautiful―crystal clear, calm. and vivid color of blue streaming down. I suddenly drop to my knees and with my both hands pouring the water so I could finally drink.

That was so refreshing. I felt ten times awake and rejuvenated. I also washed my face and arms afterwards.
As I sit here in the grass, I saw a large boulder, more likely it seemed it is a gate, covering whatever that is behind. I really had a great feeling that behind that boulder is the 'home' that the sign had lead me to.

Think. 
How could I get through that?
How could I pass through?

I know I am not a skilled climber or hiker but I must really try to do it. I would have to climb the rocks on the side, so I could jump at the top of it. Searching my surroundings I have found a vine to hold onto, and to make it my anchor climbing up. I had thrown the vine at the other side of the rock gate and hook it at the nearest branch of tree for it to steady.

This is the hardest part.
I am not used to heights and climbing but as I stepped my right foot, and hold both hands to the vine, I urge to step my other foot next.
It was swinging slightly, I am afraid I might fall right away.

"Lord, help me.", I said out loud. I didn't notice that I was starting to cry fat tears and was not able to step up my right foot again to the next rock.
I am hopeless.
I might be stuck in here.
I will not be able to make it through here.

"That is not true." I suddenly whipped my head upon hearing that edible voice. 

What was that? 
Who is it?
Am I insane?

"No, you are perfectly okay and normal at the moment." It answered.

"Who are you?", 'Where are you?", "Can you please help me?" I replied. I thought I almost begged for the last one that I had said.

"Calm down child, You know me. You really do. I am where you think I might be." The voice suddenly assured me.

I knew right there and there who it is, and at that precise moment, I felt relieved. I felt safe. I continued crying as I finally realize that my saving grace is here. There is always hope, I am starting to feel alive again.

"I was, I am, and I will always be forever in your heart child. You knew that, you would just have to trust me." It affirmed me.

"I, I trust You. No matter how painful sometimes it can be, I am trusting you." I replied, still crying with my outburst.


"I know. But those were the times that you trust Me and yet doubt still. I deserve nothing less than your whole trust, your whole being, your whole mind, heart, and soul." It replied back.

That whole statement moved me. It is really difficult hanging here in the vine and along with my emotional and spiritual feelings combined. Yes, it is true and I felt more remorse than I had before. At times, I only think of the things that I need to do, or the things that I need to say, to please Him, to obey Him but I totally forgot that no matter what I say or do, He will always be good. He will always be faithful to me. He is the one who gives and takes away. He is the One who is always in control. He holds my life, and if the moment He wants to stop the beating of my heart, He can. It's not about me, it is and will always be about Him. I would die trying to obey Him completely, but it will not always be enough if I doubt His works in my life, if I trust Him half-heartedly.

"Lord, I'm sorry. I really am. I am so messed up. I am not worthy of Your forgiveness, I might be the worst perso―" I bowed my head in defeat. My chest suddenly aches in the hardest way.

"My child, I have loved you with a loving kindness long before it all began, before you were formed in the womb. It is finished. Abide in me always, and I will abide in you. Now, I will bring you back home. Lift your right hand and close your eyes." The voice promised me.

"Thank you. I will be forever grateful. I am ready now." I cried saying those words. It just felt so right, then I lifted my right hand and closed my eyes.


I felt a feathery softness touch my hand, and all the while I saw white. It was like a blazing brightness, blinding my sight. Then, I finally looked around, and all I see is the familiar smell of my room, the unmistakable softness of my bed. 
Right.
It was dream. Yeah, it was just a dream.
But it felt so surreal, possibly more than real.
I placed my hand at my chest, where the subtle beats of my heart resounds―yes, I am here. I am alive. I am awake, and I am blessed.

Sitting up, I prayed and poured out my heart to God for all the things He has done, and continuously doing in my life, and for this incomparable joy that I am feeling at the moment.

As I reflect, and looked back on the past and the life that I have lived, sometimes God allows us to face circumstances in which it would test the very core of ourselves.
Sometimes, in those situations, it felt like it was a now or never battle that we need to face, that we knew deep inside that it's a battle worth fighting for. But often times, we have also forgot that it is not our battle alone but His―that apart from Him we are nothing. It's like chasing after the wind, utterly and inevitably meaningless and in vain.

Now I know, that God allows unanswered prayers, not because He loves us less when we sin but He wants us to realize that we need Him more. More than the prayers we are asking of. More than the things He could give or do for us. More than anything else before Him. 

I realized that I need Him. Him alone.That He is the only answer to my endless 'whys' and buckets of 'ifs'.That my life would mean nothing if I don't have Him―as my Savior, my Father, my friend, my Redeemer, my Counselor, my peace, my joy, and all the other attributes of Him.

My life, and my journey begins and will end in Him.

Thank you Abba Father for Your unfailing love.
There's nothing good in me, but with a broken, a pure, a contrite, and a humble heart―I ask that You seal my heart and make it a heart after Yours.

And as I wait for You, I am made faithful.

Soli Deo gloria! :') ♡♡♡

Your Beloved

“I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes.” ―E. E. Cummings

THANK YOU LORD.

I am at loss for words to deeply express how I am feeling at the moment.
But Father, I want to give back all the praises, and glory that YOU deserve, and for adding and still giving me another year to do your will.

24.
Twenty-four years of existence, and with every breath that I breathe,
with every song that I sing,
Lord, I want you to know that I am listening.

As I celebrate this day, I remember and look back on all the journeys that I had.
Those memories that will be forever kept inside my heart.
I am still in awe in the works of your hands, Lord―speechless actually.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
I am your beloved, and YOU will always be mine.
I am and will always be grateful to my Lord Jesus Christ!


Soli Deo gloria! :')

The Sun Still Sets And Rises

“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become―because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.” ―C.S. Lewis

New day.
New perspective.
New hope.

Another year has passed by, and looking back in my life and the journeys I had, I can not find the words how to really describe the topsy-turvy turn of events.
It has been beyond wonderful―more than I ever expected it will be.

I am, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart, blessed with so many things. Here, are some of the highlights of my 2013 experience:

• Got certified as Microsoft Technology Specialist to two Microsoft Dynamics Solutions
• Been blessed to be delegated as the new Music Ministry Leader at church
• Had traveled Puerto Galera with my family and loved ones
• Tried to join the list of writers to Christian website: "Whole Magazine"
• Joined the free course training in "Writer's Bureau" website
• Given the chance to be offered and enrolled as a student in a Creative Writing school: "Writer's Bureau", one of the best writing institutions in England

I know, it can't get any better but I will not stop thanking and praising my Lord Jesus Christ for all of the things He's been doing in my life.

I remember the times when melancholy hit me, and I even bother to make room for it in my heart. The feeling of sadness in the moment of stillness engulfed me.

Maybe, it was just a phase I had to go through. A path that needed to be walked on so I could get hurt, and learn at the same time, to be strong at the end of that road, and now I say, "It is worth it."
The struggles.
The pain.
The hurt.
All of it.
These are all worth it, it molded me into the person God wants me to become. 

I am a working progress.

There is so much more to learn along the way, that is why this 2014, I want to make the most out of it.
I want to explore. I want to travel again (whether in and out of the country). I want my talent to be more of use for God's greater glory. I want to meet new people. I want to learn another language or two. I want to fall in love again. I want to be a blessing to others. I want to do things, I have never done before but I have learned to put all my dreams and desires into God's hands so I will not be disappointed―not anymore. HE never fails, and never will. It is just about a matter of faith.

Sometimes, we are tested in so many ways, we never could imagine. I solely believe that patience is just a test of our character.

In this life, there are things that are outside of our control. Sometimes bad things happen to us. Some of us have been hurt, abandoned, cheated, and left behind. Some of us have made mistakes and are now trying to cope with how we will allow the repercussions and the residual consequences affect the rest of our lives. Some of us are in the middle of a horrible and painful situations and feel so lost, confused, and depressed that we don't even understand how we got here, let alone how to get out. 

Sounds familiar, right?
But we really can not help it.

What happens to us, happens also to everybody. We have the same common ground. We are real because we are broken. We are broken because we will be made whole.

And I am made whole in Christ (Colossians 2:10).

I have remembered the passage I once read, 

"While I am busy looking up on the balloon, I have realized that there is an ice cream melting on my hand."

The main thing I learned? It is taking time to appreciate the things you have, instead of staring at the things you want. Although good things come to those who wait, I always believe that the best things come to those who are doing everything they can while they are waiting. God makes everything beautiful in His perfect time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). HE always does, and it is proven. 

I am excited for what God has for me, and what this year will offer.
Whatever obstacle will be thrown my way, I will not let my faith falter.

Life goes on, and on, and on. As long as I keep improving myself, and keep trusting God with all the endeavors I will make, I know HE will work all things together for my good (Romans 8:28). I will not be moved and will not be shaken.

I am rest assured that I am in good hands.
I am, and will be forever grateful.

Indeed, thank you, Abba Father.


:')